My chef hat and my baseball cap

For as long as I can remember I've been a bouncer. I'm one of those people that belonged to every group, yet didn't really fit in with any group. I've always had a lot of different interests. I guess you could say that I am a jack of all trades sort of gal. In my life, I've reinvented myself lots of times. I was a carwash attendant, telemarketer, copy editor, waitress, dispatcher, teacher and stay at home mom. You know to list just a few of the innumerable jobs I held throughout high school, college and early ADULTHOOD?!

I think I learned this from my dad. We are of a similar sort.  Interested in everything and filled full of information that astounds and amazes, causing one to think, "how do you know that?" It is from my parents that I get my love of cooking, gardening and books. My parents have taught me a lot, like how to change and adapt. Or, how to overcome difficulty and to exercise patience, some skills I get to practice everyday with Charlie.

As the mother of necessity I wear a lot of different hats: insurance expert, boo-boo fixer, stuffed animal finder, laundry maid and short order cook. Most people know me by my baseball cap. I wear one almost everyday since leaving the classroom. It is a part of my uniform. Yes, I wear it to keep Charlie from pulling all the hair out of my head. However, my baseball cap is more than that. It makes me feel safe. On most days with it, and my sunglasses (stolen from my daughter), I feel as though I wear an impenetrable armor. On rough days, I pull it low, tuck my head and bear down to face the insurance world and life's adversities.

I'm not special, like most moms, I change my hats throughout the day. Lately, I wear my advocacy cap instead of my teacher's cap. As the mother of necessity, a medically complex child with a feeding disorder, I wear my chef's hat a lot. I have dedicated myself to helping keep Charlie healthy while meeting his nutritional and therapeutic goals. See Charlie has trouble chewing and swallowing (scary official diagnosis is oral motor dysphasia). His food (bolus) just falls apart in his mouth or he simply won't sustain chewing. Long story made short, I make all of Charlie's food because he can't eat most food off a school or restaurant menu. 

On the left you see Victoria, my reconditioned Vitamix blender. After struggling for years with those one's for baby food, we upgraded. Vitamix has an amazing program it runs throughout the year. Periodically, parents of children with feeding/ swallowing disorders can get a reconditioned blender at a drastically reduced rate. You have to check their website to find out if they are accepting applications. Our blender allow us to get Charlie the nutrient dense food his body demands without the need for a g-tube to provide continuous nutrition. We are so grateful for a program like this and a company like Vitamix!

Charlie's global developmental delay impacts him in every facet of his life. That is what the global part means in his diagnosis. His poor motor planning makes communication and feeding very difficult. Don't get me wrong, Charlie enjoys eating. In fact, he enjoys it so much he has difficulty waiting for food. He becomes overly excited, rocking his head while his mouth is overstuffed. He isn't always aware he has residual food in his mouth and he has an underdeveloped gag reflex. That means it is common to have to clear his mouth with our finger during feedings. 

When you are developmentally delayed every part of you is behind including cognitive function  This is really hard to process and wrap your mind around. Here is what I mean. He is an almost 4 year old that functions in the range of a 12-18 month old. (Gross motor is more like 9-12 month range as he just began crawling.) He is still learning cause and effect and while beginning to vocalize, is unintelligible to 95% of familiar family and peers. What I am trying to say is, part of his behavior is development, and part is a game of his. Like all babies when they are learning, they begin by processing the world orally. Charlie is no different, he also likes to try to bite our fingers while in his mouth. Needless to say, feeding time can look a little different around our house. It is usually during lunch that my chef hat gets swapped out for my speech/ feeding specialist hat. 

Wearing a chef hat isn't something new, I've always loved to cook since I was a little girl. At five years old, I baked an apple pie for the annual Minburn, forth of July pie auction. Shockingly, I won first place. It began my love of cooking which was fostered by my mother, an exceptional cook herself. I've passed my love of cooking on to my daughter. Recently, we donned our chefs' hats. We baked and decorated cupcakes for her school district's literacy carnival. They were too cute, not to mention too tasty!

Sometimes, when I put on my chef hat, I wear it cooking out of love. Other days I wear it out of the necessity to feed my family and to provide nutrition. Every now and again, I put my chef hat on and cook, to prove my value and worth to myself.